A stunning, yet not shocking turn of events occured in the world of entertainmet this evening as "chizle chest-Mustache McCraken" Mr Tom Atkins Swept every OSCAR category on the board. His legendary "mustache of steel" was also honored with the lifetime achievement award. The capacity crowd was seemingly brought to thier feet by the end of the evening as Tom Atkins walked away with the best picture catagory in a single handed sweep. Earlier, as the evening was progressing, new catagories were invented in the sole sense for Mr. Atkins. Tom was asked weather or not it was fair he won every shiny trophy, seeing as though in each catagory he was the only nominee-listed 5 times in each. "shut the fuck up" he responded. Around 9:45pm the best foreign language catagory was announced, and Tom atkins walked away as the winner for "HALLOWEEN III:Season of the witch put on spanish subtitles on the dvd menu bar" Forrest whittaker had to accept that award on Mr. Atkins behalf due to the fact he was having a threesome in the front row. When Mr. Atkins did decide to make an acceptance speech, they lasted well over 30 minutes each, and the orchestra never drowned him out to go to commercial. Tom was also awarded 24 honorary oscars, one for each finger toe and limb.This was a night legends were made of, That'll do tom...That'll Do.
WINNERS
Best Picture-The Tom Atkins Library
Best Actor -Tom Atkins-Tom Atkins Filmography
Best Supporting Actor-Tom atkins without his mustache-THE FOG
Best Director-The guy who touched tom atkins during Halloween III-Tom atkins accepts honor
Best Actress and supporting actress-Girls who were banged by Tom Atkins in his films, They handed it over to him
Best Cinematography-The Part where tom atkins punches the fucking egg yolk out of a robot
Best Score-The chick he cheated on his wife on In Halloween 3
Best Foreign Language film-HALLOWEEN III with spanish subtitles on the DVD MENU
BEST ANIMATED FILM-The CARTOON THATS ON THE TV in the bar in halloween 3 before tom atkins tells the fucking bartender to change that shit, or feel my wrath.
BEST SHORT SUBJECT- Stopping Halloween 3 Halfway through-Tom atkins accepts.
BEST DOCUMENTARY-NIGHT OF THE CREEPS
BEST COSTUME DESIGN-TOM ATKINS RED CHECKERED SHIRT IN HALLOWEEN 3
Best Sound- Tom Atkins Yelling "Stop it!!!!"
Best Special Effects- Tom Atkins Mustacheless-THE FOG
Best Editing- The echo effect of "stop it" at the end of Halloween III
Lifetime Achievement Award-Tom atkins Mustache.
